Updated: Oct 11, 2019
So, I finally pressed the publish button and chucked my head into a pillow! I’ve done it. I BLOODY DONE IT. No turning back b*hes! I would just say F it, I am who I am! But we are forever changing so I am who I am, who've I've been and the bad b*ch I will become and every single wonderful awkward stage in between. Its about time I acknowledge my accomplishments and the fears I face rather than pretending this comes naturally (If you know what I mean).
Even as little me, I've had an inner monologue narrating my life. 'And that was it" .. "and then it happened" "today is the dayy" weird right but I didn't know why until I started writing and working on some of my projects close to my heart. From starting this blog years ago for me to completely put it aside for the fear of over-sharing. To now be finally clicking that publish button and making all the fear facing and self celebratory actions I can is crazy.
After years of searching for happiness is the wrong places I decided to take some advise from my younger self. After all, nothing seems more risky than being unhappy and wasting your time things that don't ignite you. Doing what I've dreamed of is way less risky than allowing the world to clone me. Working on a launch for a company close to my heart and a true dream for the past couple years, confident within my business but shy within myself, I knew I needed to share my voice for me to face that fear and be ruthless consistently. Every day I get up to make sure my ideas will one day help the world. Sometimes in recovery that does include just making breakfast or writing some emails. Other days more extreme. Each stage is important and I wanted to show whats possible when you are kind to yourself and push forward. I needed to learn to be limitless within myself and consistently push forward so I'm able to help others do the same. No matter what depressive state you are in, you can always gain your power back. Have the opportunity for a fulfilled life and deserve to have a fabulous one.
It took me a long time of silence and shutting myself away, heated made up pep talks with myself in the mirror "girl got this, you save the world", many Netflix and cry to cheesy movies and lay there staring at my ceiling evenings, secret bad-ass boss lady missions and another day be crying to frozen songs in the shower but to be quite frank, I was bored of hiding, I’m ready to own my life, my tips and tricks, funny secrets and my experiences. The good, the embarrassing, the freaky supernatural and the life changing. I didn't want to have to wait for my company launch to feel confident to do that because waiting for my confidence didn't work, I had and have to work for it.
For a long time I was waiting for things and my life to get better for me to be able to experience it fully. Waiting for cosmetic surgery, lottery ticket, me to wake up and feel happier. A great friend of mine has a huge part to play in me finally clicking that publish button. She taught me a valuable lesson. Live with no regrets. Appreciate what you have no matter what that is and make the most of each aspect. She being a true legend and a great example of this. Learning life really is too valuable to not treasure it. No matter how much you have been through. And finally I'm allowing myself to finally publish this and do something I want, no regrets. I've been fear facing for a while so to finally be able to show people some of the crazy things I've been up to on this journey is well, exciting. Thank you Eleanor for believing in me and for still having a huge positive impact in my life whilst you are in heaven, I hope I can make you as proud as you do me.
I guess I'll be learning to share a whole lot more. To some, its about bloomin time.
My road to entrepreneurship has been filled with stories which i'll share as and when I can. Learning to do the impossible. Showing whats possible when you keep pushing forward. When we are grateful for the life we've had and have, the universe opens doors for us to be happier.
We may not be happy with loss, regrets or hurt in our lives but hopefully find a way to be proud of what we've done with that pain and who we can help with it.
I believe the things I have to say can help people and if I know in my heart I want to help then why not at least try. If I can help one life, then Its worth it. If you're still reading this I hope you feel inspired to make today count. Others may limit dreams due to their own self dismissal but I wanted in a way to at least be able to help one of those people too.
Go get em.