Self Love Guide- THE TRUTH
Updated: Feb 15, 2021
Hugs to you, the masterpiece reading. I say this as I hold and kiss my screen. Literally, Leaving you a kiss mark, wallaaaa. I've never been more excited to upload than this one. Happy Valentines to you reading especially.
I'm celebrating you whilst you read this, I'm so glad you came, welcome! This ones for you. Hoping during this you'll have many hope fireworks for yourself like your favourite romantic comedy, only more you. Some for the first time as you hear the truth and realistic tips when it comes to self love and not one's that only require buying everything Instagram before you can feel it (although who am I kidding, treat yourself, finally buying that heart shaped ring you've always wanted may help you feel that spark, but for the broke ones you'll see, its not needed first), the true secrets from someone that gets it. And after reading this I pray, you'll have everything you need to lead a future of kissing your shoulder, hugging yourself truly and tightly when you cry, high fiving yourself, rubbing yourself on the back. And for some of you excited ones, even slapping your own booty and saying I'm worth it, alllllll of this is worth it.
We always hear 'love yourself' but rarely told genuine tips how to, we always hear 'be confident' but rarely are told how to be. That's where I come in. Of course there's that beautiful saying 'decide you are and you will' and yes part of that is very true but this is dedicated for those that would like more, For those that say 'I wish' or 'nice for some' when they see self love, I hear you, I've got you, todays a gift for you. As sometimes it doesn't feel that simple, especially when it comes from people that seem like they've always been that way. I'm excited for you to see, Its so possible for you, I swear it. So here I am, your body dsymorphic now self celebration coach that truly has been and tried it all and learned how to truly fallen in love with who I am, to tell you its possible and how to feel friends with the human being in the reflection first. How to truly unconditionally love yourself and what that actually means, and it may surprise you. I don't just mean grabbing your own booty and snogging the back of your hand but it's pretty darn close, I'll start with some obvious and then some not so much. Sliding all the bullshit of the desk, picking you up and giving you self love tips exactly how you like it, honest, loving and lets get deep baby. Happy Valentines. You're so worth it. I love you millions.
Hugs from you to you, because you're bloody worth it
Stroke your hair that's in front of your face behind your ear like you're falling in love with yourself, because you're about to. (...Literally try it.) Let yourself laugh and have inside jokes with yourself as it feels bonkers at first. Self love actions. It takes practice and trust me, questioning your sanity is part of this bonkers but brilliant self love journey and in all honesty if we aren't letting ourselves be weird, we aren't letting ourselves love ourselves unconditionally and that should be the first tip, let ourselves be weird, stick our tongues out and pull some weird faces. Now wink and blow yourself a kiss because your a sexy bitch.
We hear repeat positive affirmations which is so true and please do as much as possible "I am a bad b*tch, I am amazing, I am enough, I am so loveable, I am a god given genius" this tips about showing ourselves physical actions of love as often as possible. It's so magical and isn't shared enough, is my bonkers not so secret self love secret if you will. Call me what you like but there's just nothing more powerful than kissing your own shoulder, clapping your hands for yourself. Hugging yourself and swaying side to side like you would your bestie, high fiving yourself. Snapping your fingers in way of I deserve better. And if you have a really hard day or impulsively do something unkind towards yourself (as I'm guessing some of you have hard days whatever that is for you, that's why I wanted to create this sanctuary), instead of punishing yourself for it, try one of these tips after; kiss yourself on shoulder, kiss your fingertips and press the kiss to your forehead, hug yourself tightly, clap your hands above your head. Do a celebration shimmy dance, brush dust off your shoulder. Honestly even punching the air like Mike Tyson can have you feeling stronger, and that's coming from a pacifist so try it.
Dating and Romanising with Yourself
Lets daydream ahhh but most definitely not wait for someone else to love you the way you dream before treating yourself that you are loveable, even if you are already madly in love, date yourself, exactly the way you dream someone to you. This has changed my life. This has been the most magical valentines, every time I walk in my room I see the flowers I've bought, the decorations, heart shaped balloons (as well as home made cards from my besties, young nephew) presents from me and honestly, all I've done for myself took little to no time or money, just love. To set your standards high, practice holding your head higher, physically and emotionally. No matter what situation you're in, know your worth does not come from someone else's value or especially(underlined) anyone's inability to show you your worth. Your worth comes from God knowing he wanted you, just like he did Beyonce here and Ru Paul, or if you're not religious, know you were a born winner. So treat yourself like you won the race. You're a winner baby. ("IM A FU*KING WINNER BABY") You are a princess of the highest power. (" YES, I AM A PRINCESS OF THE HIGHEST POWER") The best way to feel loved and loveable, is date yourself. Practice doing so in ways you can now and who knows one day you'll be eating chocolate strawberry's under the Eiffel tower thinking about how much you bloody love yourself. Romanticise with you. To the extreme and the easy. There is no limit when it comes to dating yourself. I never thought some of my favourite memories would be ones I've been able to do by myself. But like magic many have been. Dating yourself in ways you can and the world will start to blossom for you like the fresh set of flowers you'll hopefully buy yourself after reading this. Because there's something truly beautiful about buying yourself flowers and proudly holding them to your chest as you walk home.
Trust me from someone that has been through it all to now, this has been life changing and a lot of that started from within my bedroom. But now, I've been on a 5* trip to the most fanciest hotel, had picnics in my garden whilst I stargazed (for 20 minutes until I realised I was getting bitten by mosquitos and ran back inside) but it was beautiful that I did it and I thanked myself for it. Movie nights and home spas. And my favourite, I went to Fashion Week by myself which was the hugest dream come true and fear faced in a way before I could only dream of; finally experiencing a Italian restaurant by myself as I read magazines, whhhaaaaat. I don't need to do this all the time(not sure I could), just what I can and when I like, But most of all, when I cant leave the house, which is majority of my dates with myself at the moment now in lockdown, and if we are talking realistic beginners guide to self love and romance, there are a million ways you can date yourself in your own home. Treat your bathtub like a spa, order food from favourite restaurants, or light candles and listen to Frank Sinatra, try new things with yourself whatever that may be. Watch movies with a glass of merlot, light candles and listen to old romantic songs as, is it just me? they don't write instrumentals to love songs the same way as they did then, dance with yourself in lingerie that you choose to wear just for yourself. Buy yourself jewellery or an engagement ring(which little secret has been my self kind heartbreak tradition for almost a decade now, insert photos of them all and the powerful stories below, editing Elsie has lost a ring and will include them all in a post for you shortly). Definitely don't wait for a heartbreak to buy yourself a ring, but it helps. But whether you're already madly in love with someone or dreaming of it, dating yourself is the best feeling ever, as you are a forever also so treat yourself like it.
Urgent- the unconditional and best way to self love.
Just trust me one day you'll be slapping your own arse and saying "Thank you Elsieee" or remember this for when can, read it all if possible. Acceptance and Patience is the truest and for those needing to recognise, the fastest way to self love. Many of us rush around trying to change a thousand things in order to feel self love, you must accept that you now, right now deserves to feel self love also. In other words were breaking up with I'll love me when dot dot dot(still manifesting that beach house don't worry) and marrying " I right this second are a god given gift and deserve to love me"
We rush to change the way we look, sometimes feel our whole lifestyle must change first or only when were able to do everything on our list, that we can love ourselves then. Of course tick what you can or fantasise with yourself (anything's possible when your brain isn't as consumed and you let yourself be you, they will become easier.) Okay lets get deep baby. A little honesty for those that feel the same. The scariest moment of my self love discovery wasn't that I was afraid I'd never look beautiful, which I'm sure if you're here many of you know that feeling and is so petrifying, it was when my therapist told me 'I need to accept that I may always feel like this' I was like holy sh*t No, I don't deserve that. And it wasn't that I accepted that I'd always feel like this. "I'm a catch" It was that No matter how I look or how I feel I look, I don't deserve to feel like I cant love me. I accepted that with how I look, I still deserve to love myself. That it falls deeper than my appearance. I accepted that I don't always need to be what I thought I had to, to be loved by myself. That's a promise. I just needed to let myself be me more and see who I am first. So if you ever hear your brain say I'm not good enough sometimes instead of always fighting with I am I am(which do too, "I am enough" "I am gods masterpiece" "I am fucking fabulous" as you are more than, trust me you're a catch and I bloody love yah), try saying "I don't need to be anything else other than me to feel love" "I don't need to be anyone else to love myself" "I right now am magnificent" Self love is more than how we look. I've truly learnt we must stop treating self love like its only appearance based because those that have pushed that on us are the reason we may feel shite, and should be shouting down a diamante speakerphone 'fuck the patriarchy, I am so beautiful" But of course please treat yourself like an adventure, if you ant to play with makeup or dress how you like have fun with it, just be more you, do things your way.
To see yourself and who you are and the things you love most in the world is to love yourself. Its about what we stand for, who for and why first, our interests, our morals, our favourite songs, our favourite films, our dreams, our hobbies and passions, your divine feminine or masculine energy. Patience with commitment is about when you missed yoga or went on a spiral about surgery or whatever it is for you, that you are kind and patient on days you have and days you have not. Because anything's possible when you are kind and patient. That you know self love is unconditional and not only when you have completed everything on your list and most defiantly not only the days when you feel you've lived like you would if you were in LA or a Insta model but on the days you stare at your ceiling or watch Netflix with a tub of ice cream too. (On the days you do what you dream, and the days you don't.) But in all honestly I'd love to say "Fuck it". I mean we are enough. So love yourself like it. Loving ourselves is about striving to be more of us whatever that may be, acknowledging our moods. When you love yourself sometimes it's way more caring and adventurous and spontaneous and turns out way less restricting. You have to accept that you deserve to love yourself now, no matter what. You're amazing "I'm amazing" Also I apologise for putting urgent in the title, I thought it may attract those that needed to hear this loving tip the most. You know how it is. I love you.
Protect your energy - Self love Is not vain it's survival (aka being a bad b*tch)
Take care of your energy. Do not compromise with abuse, bullies, sexism, any discrimination that makes you question your worth, speak up and leave. Make decisions to leave things that arent healthy for you, to leave abuse, to speak up, to leave. Please protect your energy you wonderful "slut". You deserve the best and I say this with sassy love; The sooner you'll protect your energy and treat yourself you deserve better, the sooner you'll feel it (your time is so precious and I'm guessing whatever decision that is for you, its made you feel shite anyway and haven't deserved it so you have nothing to loose, you've got this "I've got this"). Being a women in this world we are poked and prodded by this patriarchy, ditch it leave it. Self love isn't vain, it's survival. The last thing sexism expects is for us to have power in our choice, in our voice, in who we are or so feely grab our ass in a selfie, to say no, to have boundaries. So Speak up, Make those decisions to leave abuse, practice your "No". Ask for your pay rise, storm in a meeting and tell them that idea. Getting spoken over by a man?, don't quiet down, speak up. Call out your sexist dentist that isn't listening to you or his female colleagues. Leave that hurtful or abusive relationship, you'll have less day to day stress and trust me, more time to love yourself like you deserve and find someone that does. Wear a crop top and mini skirt or wear the baggiest tracksuit, its your fucking choice. Leave, grab your coat when they cheat and don't look back. Make better choices for yourself and your energy moving forward. Don't compromise with abuse of any kind. You deserve better. Because most of the time they do know better, they just rely on our shyness to enable mistreatment. "Fuck that, I'm moving on, I'm moving forward, I'm speaking my god GIVEN mind" Protect yourself at all costs. If you're gay, black, transgender, religious or Asian, pus size or small bootied or anyone else that society has wanted to push into a box, speak up and leave "Fuck that" every opportunity you see, step out and make an entrance, do not compromise for their ego. You are a masterpiece, this is God's sanctuary we are all invited to the table. Don't compromise with abuse, ever, you deserve better, speak up, if they say you're causing havoc, its because they are rattled. That's on them. Go get em. Start protecting your own ego not those that use theirs like a rusty fishing hook based off of a deluded patriarchy. You'll feel loved by you as you should because you are amazing.
Naked You for you, Sounds kinky ehh
Back to being bonkers but brilliant. You are yours, all of you, so its ironic or straight up bonkers that were taught ONLY to be naked for someone else more than we are for ourselves or even only so. You're yours when you share yourself and when you're by yourself. When alone treat your body like its yours. Dance naked, dust your house naked, cook spaghetti naked. Stare at your ceiling naked.
This ones more so about feeling connected with you and owning your body than it is anything else.
Takes a little adventure, spontaneity and of course acceptance but it's worth practicing. Next you can be dropping that towel and shaking it all for yourself, why not, no ones around. There are many ways to be naked for you and ease into showing yourself your body is yours, and in ways to show there shouldn't be expectations around it, ways that are silly adventurous and fun. Its not about always feeling fabulous although long term it can truly help (you'll feel like a kink for yourself) its about feeling connected. For you and yourself to feel on the same team.
Even if it starts with reading a book naked or in a empowering set of undies, To running a long bath, cleaning whilst naked, trust me if haven't ever hoovered nude, try it. Shake it all and pull silly faces, be weird and walk around in a way to make yourself laugh naked for a bit to tell yourself you are letting some pressure and expectations down for a little, dance around your room or house, or throw back to one of my first ever articles I wrote on this blog; naked yoga! Try run yourself a romantic bath, light candles. Masterbate even its valentines! but mainly its about being you for you. It just takes acceptance, kindness and a little adventure, you for you. Mainly that you deserve to treat yourself like you are a goddess now, no matter how you look or feel. Shake your titties with determination, wiggle your butt like a warrior. You're worth it.
The truth, what they don't tell you about self love
Loving yourself isn't about always feeling beautiful or happy 24/7 like those stock photos where they smile holding the apple, although loving ourselves of course it helps a lot with our mood and you'll see the magic and start to be singing in the shower loudly again. Its at times the opposite, its about hugging yourself and rubbing your arm when crying your eyes out. Its acknowledging your pain and crossing your arms over and holding both hands to your face as you hold you. That in itself is so loving. Hyping yourself up when you feel like this but when you cant get out of bed, try snow angels as you stare at your ceiling. Deciding to be a best friend for yourself includes treating yourself like one. Be understanding, as you've been there with yourself through everything, so be there for yourself when you can and try not punish yourself when that isn't natural, it takes practice. One day you'll be amazed about the emotional support you can give yourself even in the most depressive times. Cry and listen to how you're feeling and tell yourself you got this, hug yourself, if you feel extremely depressed call for help. Also "I am a bad bitch" "I am a warrior" "I can make it through anything"
Greeting your reflection as a best friend
Wave to yourself, point at your reflection in a way of "I bloody love this gallll". Of course this takes practice. But greeting your reflection as a friend. This includes 'cheers'ing my reflection as often as we can and soon you'll notice finally doing something you've needed for yourself whether that's drinking a glass of water, leaving an unhealthy relationship and 'cheers'ing Prosecco when finally applying for the job or internship you've always wanted. Start by waving enthusiastically, blowing kiss, high fiving yourself because you have a lot in common, stroking your reflection when sad okay that sounds a lot more bonkers when I wrote it. But so does humping the mirror and honestly you do you girl. Hyping yourself up before you leave the house and pointing at yourself at you say 'this girl, I bloody love you' Now I know once again you may feel this is odd, but the best tips and people are.
You have you in common
You are your soul mate, you have everything in common with yourself. Dont act surprised when you realise Your favourite movies are the same as yours, same shows that make you laugh, those 5 go to songs you listen to bangers right, everything you like, you like. This is my odd way off saying 'So do more of what you love'. Talk about more of what you love, buy more of what you love, be more of what you love, preach more of what you love and care about. Recommend more of what you love, that's it really, if you love your cat enjoy your cat. You and you have that in common.
Love thy neighbour, Complimenting a Stranger
Ahh maybbe my favourite, the nerves and butterflies but sense of achievement after is Magical and that day may be helping assist someone else's difficult self love journey also. If you like her handbag say it, love her eye shadow? let her know! Find someone endearing o beautiful, tell them. You'll feel a sparkle as they do too. Life's too short not to compliment someone's outfit. There's something magical about being brave enough to love someone else, letting go of anxiety for just short enough time to compliment someone. It's, well.. lovely. Adding more love into your day to day, showing yourself you are loving and there for easy to love from yourself in that moment. Adding love in your life can include as mean girls says 'sucking the poison out' also, for any of those that need to hear it, you are not what you are guilty about or you wouldn't feel guilty, so If that's any of you, and helps you, address it, speak up, apologise to anyone you need to. For a lot of us its to with how we've treated ourselves. So seek therapy, acknowledge it. And compliment that ladies shoes, you'll feel magical.
Maybe you've loved yourself all along and that's why you're here.
I hope reading this has brought you butterflies, you're so worth it. "I'm so worth it, actually genuinely bonkers but brilliantly worth it."
Heck maybe even love yourself like titanic and paint yourself nude like a French girl. I done it, did you like it. Although I'm sure you saw I'm no Picasso, but I don't need to be, I am me, Elsie and that's bloody great. As are you and you should celebrate that. I'm so proud I might just frame it. This article and online sanctuary will always be here to come back to, however long it takes to practice. All the love in the world and space, From Your Forever, because nothing you could do could make me want to give up on helping you love yourself. Maybe you learned more about what self love means, that you, let me rephrase that for you "I am everything I need to start now". Not because you finally have boobs you'd like because "fuck that for now" but because you rock, "I rock". I hope this has helped you feel love today, if all else fails can always buy a mannequin to practice loving you like this cheeky one. Happy Valentines, happy forever, love from me and love from you xoxo