Updated: Oct 11, 2019
This article is dedicated to a kind and perfectly wonderful person, someone very important to me. I hope her bravery to talk can help others find the answers they need also. Each time you confide in me makes it that much easier for me to talk about my struggles too. I hope this can help, I really have thought hard about this because this is something I've tried to protect since I was little but hadn't put into too many words before. I love who you are and if you'd let me, I'd love to help you figure that out also. And hopefully help anyone reading this who feels like they are either a thousand people or just not quite sure on one side of themselves. Help them celebrate each aspect. 💕 They always say "love yourself" but don't always teach how. I'm still learning but this is some of what I have learnt so far. This may go from ladidarr sweet to real tough... This topic has me feeling so many emotions, its been a roller coaster for sure but one iv'e wanted to share, especially if it could help someone as wonderful as you.
To answer your question - When and how do people click to themselves and who they are?.
These are things I've learnt.
Love for a stranger - love for yourself.
Learning to love yourself on purpose. Learning to love yourself without judgement. Without comparison. You wouldn’t judge someone for the things they’ve been through so why do for yourself? Learn to love yourself without judgement. Learn to love yourself without comparison.
That's the first step- know that you deserve to feel self love whoever you turn out to be. I promise that sounds scarier than it is once you start taking these loving actions. When we do accept ourselves and what we've been through, we then are able to be limitless.
By checking in with how we feel in a friendly way, it also then becomes easier to voice opinions throughout life. You'll start to feel confident with your opinions whether they are the same as many or different. You fierce darling. Tapping into all of who we are and accepting how we feel or what we’ve been through. Compassionate therapy. Hyping yourself up every day telling yourself you understand. That you have got your own back and you love you and want to help. Every day saying compassionate things towards yourself even when you're feeling low and anxious, angry or fed up. It's helps separate you as your own friend to your mental health. Doing this it then becomes easier to take those steps towards happiness. “oooooo girl yeah you right you do deserve to speak up” "Ooooo girl I'm proud of you that was really hard.” “Girl you on fire facing fears today you deserve a bath haha”. Being kind and understanding towards yourself because you’ve been there throughout everything you’ve been through. You know the extent of your struggles so you have to be kind and there for yourself. Realise that you are your own friend and you'll start to click.
What you do know -
Is your moral compass, what's in your heart and makes you want to stand up. Who you’d speak up for and why. This is a wonderful thing, once you know this you do know yourself. Have strength in knowing those things about yourself. Be proud of your beliefs and the great potential of your heart. Because trust me the potential of your heart is inspiring to me. Listen to what angers you as well as melts your heart. What ignites you. You're passion of helping others is a huge thing that you know and enough to strengthen your purpose with god. What is in your heart is who you are. Celebrate this by listening to some funky music and dancing around limiltlessly, maybe a bit of motown music or if that doesn't get your disco fingers popping maybe something more you ;). You're worth it!
You'll like yourself more when you do what you like -
You'll realise you have so much in common with yourself. You like the same music, you love the same shows or games, you have the same interests. You'll love spending time with yourself when you do what you like.
When I was little I realised many people are worried about doing what they like and worried around the risk of truly living in the moment (we can all be worried around being our truest identity and being judged, damping the cool or being extremely protective over the identity others may have of assigned us).
For me to be aware many around me was restricting themselves it saddened me. So I decided from a young age to try to lead by example, play the games I’d want by myself until people were excited and not embarrassed anymore and want to join in. It doesn't mean you need to know whether you like the awesome game sally peep is playing before you try but an openness to however you feel. Being okay to give it a try. Being okay with Sally being great at the game but also being okay if you are or are not either. Not let Sally's love for this game stop you from playing the game you did want. Sort of like pretending to be an astronaut and find little space alien bugs. Inviting everyone and the astronauts will join. Or holding superhero flying lessons, Inviting everyone and the superheros will be grateful. You do what you enjoy and you'll see people will feel happy that they now feel they can too.
Comparing your identity to others when they limit their own -
You can’t find yourself looking at other people, you are exactly what you are looking for- f the rest. You have everything you’ve been searching for right within yourself! Stop exhausting yourself and start putting what you have to use. You cannot strengthen your relationship with yourself through things that doesn’t warm your spirit. You strengthen your relationship through doing a side swirve bob head, click and saying "alll of thissss". Looking at others will leave you further from what you are looking for. This step is a magic spell when it comes to relieving feeling of neglect. Start with being proud of what you do know, what you do know about yourself can be your big break. It will also help you stop thinking you need to be like any other Sally to love yourself but the things you have in common with others will feel less pressured, you’ll realise you were created like you for a reason. And we are blessed to have you!
Feeling excited about you -
Doing the things that you love without validation will instantly spark an excitement. And that deserves a glass of champagne. The next step is ensuring you spend time with people that make you feel limitless. Those that believe in your wonderful wacky ideas. The ones you can take on the world together. Ones that in my experience, make silly naff horror movies with you. Or help you elaborately try sneak into the year above's prom to then realise, it was the wrong schools prom...Those that hype you up when down. They want you to have that glow but will also hide in a fort with you if you need to. We always hear the saying 'spend time with the right people'. Finding these people are the true treasure. You must allow yourself to be you with what you've learnt above.
When you have a need to help others or naturally not judge you can surround yourself with people that may not allow or want you to think much about yourself (they may also limit your personality). When you have a deep passion to help others its easy to sacrifice how they make you feel if you believe you can help them or love the good in them so much. Sometimes if we get lost in care we have, we can forget they that may not be making you feel good about yourself. Making sure you spend time with people that bring out the nerd and boss in you, and is your number one fan is so important. You'll realise the best ways to find these people are through our unique qualities. They are our hidden super powers, finding the right people will help remind you of this. Find people that encourage you through your self love journey.
I hope this helped you realise that you've also been your very own best friend all this time. You've seen what you've seen. Been where you've been. Loved with you, hurt with you. Now you know this I hope you can be sure of yourself and take this world by a gracious grab of the balls.