EMBARRASSING RECENT "ADULT" STORIES
Here it is! and you're welcome. Your sanity is so worth it. If you ever feel like a magnet for embarrassment, this ones for you, hopefully after reading some of these cringe moments it will make you feel better about the time you may of accidentally sent the wrong text to your grandma.
Oh boy, some of the things I'm about to tell you are some of my favourite stories and probably only to share during a sleepover or cocktails. And not the kind that would be revealed during never have I ever. (mainly because honestly no one has probably been in some of these situations) But I trust you. ...says the lady putting it on the internet. This is for you and all of those that feel they face embarrassment on a regular basis or like me, sometimes feels like a walking hurricane. You are amazing and each embarrassing moment of yours deserves celebrating. I celebrate you. Each disaster you overcome makes a brilliant story. You are so worth listening to. It's always great to remind yourself, to blooming laugh. You're worth it.
#1
NIRVANA SPA MINAR HOO HAR
Getting in a steam room with a thick layered mud mask maybe wasn't the best idea. I could feel it sliding off my face, harmless at first.
That was until it leaked into my eyes. It burned. I tried fluttering them open a couple times but nope, thick face mask covering my vision. Trying not to disturb the steam room filled with relaxed zen people, with my arms out in front of me trying to guide me to the door, already looking a bit of a tw*t. My aim to head to the shower room (I knew was directly opposite the steam room), it couldn't of been that hard right? Wrong of course, this wouldn't be a story otherwise.
As I reached for the door with my eyes closed, a woman unknowingly entering the steam room had opened it. I continued stepping forward to try find the door(which was now missing as was open, and hand was then greeted by cupping a mature woman's breast. Literally cupped her boob where my hand was positioned in a way to direct me through the air. (Hold your hands out in front of you to guide you, are you in a cupping a woman’s breast position? yes).
The shock. And not just for me i’m sure. I apologised, tried to open my eyes but it just burned, I had like an eye blinking spasm right in front of her, panicked, close flutter tried to open them again “sorry” zombie walked to the shower room stumbling with them closed again. Walked straight into the sidewall of the shower room. LITERALLY WALKED STRAIGHT INTO IT, my head literally bounced off the wall. Then finally made it to wash off the mud burning my eyes.
Had such a lovely day and would highly recommend this spa. Was the best girls trip with my best friends and surprisingly will definitely be back. Lets hope the staff didn't see or doesn't remember.
#2 YOUR GIRL GOT INTO THE WRONG CAR!
It was cold. The cars look kind of similar so IT COULD OF HAPPENED TO ANYONE. That's what I tell myself anyway. Self kindness is everything.
I rushed into what I thought was my dads car. Throwing things to the side rushing to move to sit down. Gosh a lot of stuff I was moving. Bag after bag, menus, JD shoe boxes. Sat down, belted myself in, shut the door. "Ahh" and rubbed my hands together, breathed looked ahead and I had a confused couple that id never seen before in front of me. They were in hysterics and apparently for the hundredth time explaining to me I’m in the wrong car. Sometimes I daydream, what can I say. I just didn’t hear them. My sister and dad watching me from the right car of course.
Not all strangers are dangerous thank goodness, there are wonderful spirited people that are able to laugh during situations. However, i'm sure you don't need me to tell you not to get in a car with strangers.
#3 The doctor spilt my Urine everywhere
So if having to hand your wee over to a doctor isn’t enough. He opened the bottle and split my p*ss all over him. Not much else to this story. Apart from turns out my kidneys were okay in the end.
There's always a silver lining xoxo
# Trust the owner
This is more of an example of being sh*t out of luck than it is embarrassing. But none the less, one so recent and makes me laugh to think of it. Went on a romantic walk and picnic in the woods. We saw two adorable French bulldogs run towards us with their slobbery grin. The owner had a urgent expression with a hint of humiliation. They were so friendly we couldn't understand why she was so nervous.
She had a hero look in her eye and could imagine her cape swinging as she ran. The next thing you know the dog lifts its leg and urinated all over my handbag and our picnic bag.
Moral of the story is, if the owner looks petrified, they may have a history of p*ssing on people.
But I got a new handbag and honestly, a little retail therapy makes everything better.
#4 BOOTS PHOTO PRINTING DISASTER
Going to Boots photo developing department the day before Christmas Eve is a bit like hunger games, I’d advise picking another day. However if you do go, please delete every rude picture you have on your phone before using these screens.
It was so packed this day you had the next 3 people in line standing right over your shoulder waiting.
After the lady in front of me printed out numerous photos her pets. Finally it was my turn. I plugged in my phone ready to print photos out for a last minute Christmas present for my best friend. Once plugged in, You can then decide whether you want to view numerous photos at a time OR view more enlarged pictures in a set of 3. I chose the large picture view of 3, boy i wish I hadn't. What happened next will forever haunt me. Why do I right now telling you this feeling I need to pour myself a glass of wine? One moment.
She's back with a glass of Merlot and ready to moan.
Clicking through the photos it started to lag and In an inpatient rush I clickety clicked it. It sort of went wild for ages and the screen ended up freezing on my worst nightmare. 3 private pictures I’d sent to my boyfriend at the time. Completely froze. I tried to disconnect my phone but the screen was still frozen on me underwear and goodies. Believe it or not I’ve always been extremely reserved so this...WAS HORRIFYING TO ME, BEYOND HORRIFYING. With thousands of normal photos, trust me for it to freeze on the most embarrassing.
Most people giggled and budged the person their with. So many however, tried to look away, pretend they hadn't seen whilst in hysterics or tried to wave to try get the attention of a worker. One lady trying her best to lean on something “casually” to try to hide it, it didn't quite work, there was people everywhere (it being Christmas). Being one of the busiest times of the year there was literally no worker free enough to catch the eye of a group or civilians waving. Most not wanting to leave the queue, of course didn't want go find one I really don’t blame them. I wanted to but I was trying my best to protect my dignity or what was left. That was until around 10 terrible awkward minutes (maybe even more honestly), in the spirit of Christmas, a wonderful lady volunteered to get a worker. Once I finally got my photos developed, I could hear a couple clapping and awkward cheers.
What I noticed in this moment was how much people come together in embarrassment. How many people came together to try to protect my dignity that day. I may not know you, but you strangers were fabulous that day.
#5 Awkward Greeting
One day escorting a lady downstairs after her interview (I used to work in recruitment), we were having lovely small talk and both said was lovely to meet each other. She asked my name and I introduced myself, well kind of. I said my name is Emily.
MY NAMES NOT EMILY. I heard this name so much that day and on phone calls. I naturally just said my name was it. I INSTANTLY WAS LIKE DO I SAY MY NAMES NOT EMILY?, DO I NOT? Not only did she get the job and was there the following week, had to reintroduce myself, but she already knew my name being a neighbour of someone I knew at the time. So she knew my name was Elsie whilst giving me that awkward handshake before leaving. Why she asked, she never quite said. Why I didn't correct myself is the bigger question.
There was so many funny memories I wanted to include in this article but they fit too with themed articles I've got planed for future, so will save some of those bad boys for later.
There is literally nothing you cant do if you are kind to yourself, believe in your ability to be loved, believe in yourself and dreams. There is nothing you cant do if you keep it moving, don't let embarrassment stop you from doing what you want. And trust me, amazing things can happen if you do what you dream. Please do what you dream. Let that feeling of embarrassment be the fling shot to fulfilment. Life is meant to be lived and embarrassing stories are part of that. Be kind to yourself next time a bird poos on you, something about good luck or something. You're worth it.
xoxo