Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to you reading, Baileys or JD and a pack of nuts at the ready because this articles for everyone that needs a dose of pantomime or theatre this Christmas. I've already had a few Christmas cocktails myself writing this, so if I seem drunk, I apologise, its because I am. Hoping if some of you are, you don't notice if I mispell 'of course' again in another article. Going into the new year with full celebration of the embarrassing moments, join me, what's yours? Christmas is one of my favourite days for it, everyone sitting around sharing own funny stories, or reminiscing about how great uncles dentures fell out whilst blowing out a birthday cake, here's a few of my embarrassing stories for you and your family to enjoy this Christmas.
Pantomimes Christmas carols and all things theatre except my most embarrassing stories. This ones for those that love a pantomime or even those missed being behind that red curtain when it shines opens. It's one thing having an embarrassing moment, another when it happens on stage in front of an audience, family, friends at school or the dream, thousands at the west end. But boy, getting on that stage is always worth it. I'm so glad for the firecracker I have been, now I have some great stories and funny memories to share on Christmas day because of her. And those that know, there's nothing more special than being on stage or enjoying a Christmas show. So tap your Christmas acrylic nails together as a drumroll please,
"The Show Must Go On!"
Barbie girl acting dance scene, only I was a ken. It didn't go as planned,
The Annual Christmas by Candlelight singing competition. We were chosen to do a comedy dance piece by our PA teachers. (A dance act before the second half) The Annual Christmas by Candlelight singing competition has always been filled with some very talented people from our school, musicians of all kind, I hope everyone still continues to do what they love.. You have it. I'm not sure why we were there looking back. We rehearsed a dance last minute, stressed to the tech to have the right CD for our routine, not a instrumental to one of the worlds best but cheesiest songs. Especially considering this was a singing competition show, and we well weren't.
We strutted on stage confident as we made sure they weren't expecting us to sing nor lead the audience to think we were meant to. We went on with tutus and moustaches and giant homemade cardboard car. Bobbing confident until being surrounded by lights, well it hit us, they had the wrong version of the song.
Realised from that moment wed be bobbing around aimlessly on stage freestyle tapping our feet and spinning trying not to bump into each other for 2 minutes. You don't think this is awkward, listen to barbie girl without lyrics, please, you will cry. TRUST ME, PLEASE, If you've ever heard barbie girl instrumental... you will know, just how embarrassing this story is, truly, every 8 counts is awkward. Actually pause, here's the instrumental for you to listen and invasion me as a confused Ken with a cardboard car, I think it will help create that ambiance and maybe have you cringing.
The audience seemed to be loving it?, most likely feeling like they were watching an episode of the inbetweeners live.
So were all doing our own thing equally embarrassing, here and there catching a glimpse of each other trying to salvage what we could. So yes that was the time we stumbled around for two minutes on stage with a moustache and a cardboard car.
"Devil meets Prada"
The west end a dream! Multiple Theatre train groups across the UK were learning the same dance given by this supreme big deal west end chorographer that we heard a lot about from our teachers. This chorographer had a reputation of striving for excellence is very strict, divaish and insanely talented, a big deal. I mean our teachers would be so intense when explaining about this man and the pressure was on for a rehearsal day leading up to the London performance. The only rehearsal where all the groups across the country got together in the same place before the big west end show. He was exactly like how we heard, only more intense. He even was bald and stylish which is what someone guessed on the way up there. Hundreds of us lined up to do the dance in front of him. Each teacher on the side like proud show mums, sweating wanting us to make a good impression and honestly seemed scared as we started to do our routine.
My shoe flicked off mid kick, I remember seeing it flying through the crowds in the corner of my eye whilst I continued dancing, watching the shoe flying in what felt like slow mo. Only for it to sped up when it FULL FORCE FLINGING TOWARDS HIS HEAD, before hitting the ground. And that is why this story is called Devil meets Prada. I continued thinking of a way I could sneak out of there. All sitting down with are legs crisis crossed whilst he shouted at. "WHO'SSS SHOE IS THISSS" Thinking of my escape and how I'll need some new shoes. "TELL ME WHO'S SHOE FLEW AT ME" Of course this had to be me. "WERE NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL SOMEONE TELLS ME WHO'S SHOE THIS IS" Echoing through this huge hall. It was petrifying, I was quiet. Then it hit me, they'll see I'm the girl. I'm the girl with one shoe. I'll be caught out, be caught limping out with i remember feeling shameful with a Christmas pudding sock on, that and honesty is always the best policy, so I raised my hand. Only to get PRAISED. COMPLIMENTED, HYPED UP? Praised that my shoe went flying at his face? and he still couldn't figure out who it was because we all continued dancing on beat. He said I was professional, went on about HOW THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT PEOPLE still shouting, me awkwardly not sure whether to smile or feel told off. The strangest praise or rollercoaster compliment I've ever had.
"There's No Small Parts, Only Small Actors"
I do not know where to begin with this one. There's that saying 'there's no small parts only small actors', to make each performance count no matter what you're cast as. I'll let you decide but I'm sure the role could of been difficult even for Drew Barrimore...
So my role... I was asked to be a extremely convincing real life Horse, that happens to do ballet. She directed me about researching how horses walk breath, 'talk' everything and advised me to at home be method acting as a horse (get into character during my day to day) and how If I have the opportunity, to go to a farm and see one (which I did) But I couldn't wrap my head around combining the ballet.
I know I know your properly thinking what the fries, so was I. I thought this was a joke but it was pitched as this huge beautiful transitional moment. Which I was not one to shy away from a challenge ladies and gentlemen nor a beautiful transitional moment and was excited. So I rolled up my socks, went home, looked in my full length mirror and practiced my best horse walk, horse breathing and Grunty Nay sounds, the head movement, nostril flares...I'm not sure being a ballerina doing a spin quite fit in with that. I looked like a tw*t, it's okay you were thinking it, and boy it was true but I admire my willingness to understand the vision. I mean I should of been excited about this scene for my character as she had a makeover moment, two ribbons tied around bamboo sticks... But that's just the start, this story was a chain affect of embarrassing stories for the whole cast if the show wasn't already unique. A series of questionable events, A cluster f*ck.
My bestie a Mayor Pig, and done a great job at that. Delivered a mayor speech only to have a huge fall on stage, a girl wet herself from laughing, a man forgetting his words and saying 'my nip, my nip' and throughout the evening cast bursting into laughter. The audience loved it. they were having fun knowing we were.
I'd love to share the time I came on my period on stage or what happened when our Theatre train group finally made it to London, but I've had one too many and have plans to twerk under my tree as well as watch Die Hard and Oliver Twist as I haven't this year yet. Dance naked and sing to Liza Minnelli. Wishing for you to have the best Christmas, you're great xo